Long Distance Blues
In today's day and age we have so
many different ways to meet people especially via social media, what this means
is sometimes you can connect with people who often are not in the same city let
alone state as you. I never really thought long distance relationships were
this big deal maybe because I had a somewhat fairytale vision of how long
distance relationships work vs the actual reality of how they work. I’ve never
been in a long distance relationship however I have pursued many women who are
long distance. My motto was always “I’m only a flight away” however I’m
realizing it takes much more than just that. I feel like an important thing to
pay attention to before even deciding to pursue something like this is Love
Languages. I never used to believe in them like that because I just didn’t
understand them. I think sometimes we create this image in our heads like “well
as long as I do XYZ, we can get over the distance” and ya know what it does not
work like that.
If a person craves a physical
presence especially during moments where they may want to be touched and you
are not there, after a while things will get frustrating. It is bad enough that
you are not there on the daily but not physically being there for your partner’s
tough moments is something that can take a toll on the relationship whether you
guys are together or are just in the dating phase. I think where I’ve went
wrong in this area is assuming that if I just do little gestures like sending
flowers, sending money for lunch/dinner would be enough to keep things warm in
between visits. You have to have some type of clear plan of travel when it
comes to dealing with someone in another state whether it’s every month, every
other month, or every 2-3 months. Where I’ve messed up has been not traveling
as frequently as I should have, not COVID made it difficult recently but even
in situations before it’s something that I struggled with. The closer the
person is to you it’s definitely better because of course the travel well at
least the flight is going to sometimes be cheaper.
Another thing is also the affect that COVID may be having mentally on both parties, everyone has went through a lot mentally so not being able to have your person there especially during the initial madness of COVID with shutdowns definitely did not help. People being away from a lot of their loved ones just makes the blow of not having their person around hit harder. All of this being said the most difficult thing to me is keeping the person’s interest because you also have to remember, they are come across people in their own city who have a clear advantage over you since they are physically there. From old flings to people who may see them on the daily, you are always going to be at a disadvantage but this is where being secure with yourself comes in.
Communication
is important, for me I was in situations where the communication definitely
could have been better. I am not saying you need to speak to the person every
minute of every hour but going days without speaking I feel can be too much.
For things to work it’s definitely best for you and the person to have some
kind of conversation about communication and what that would look like for you
two.
You also want to feel wanted by the person, like myself I don't make traveling to the person at all though I have fumbled in the past with the consistency but ya know it would have been nice if the person also attempted to travel to me. Maybe I wasn't doing enough to want to get the person to want to travel to me who knows? What I do know is that long distance relationships require a lot of work, so if you are pursuing someone who is long distance be ready to put in the work and lay out clearly what your intentions are. I'll probably speak on this again but for now, WE OUT.
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