The Realization

I attended the lovely wedding ceremony of my cousin a few weeks back, well she's more like a sister since we are so close and are 5 months apart in age. During my 5 day trip in Montreal, where most of my family on my dad's side lives I was surrounded by family and love which was great. I did however come to realize a lot of things. Many times I would be asked about what are my future plans, where's my GF or when will I settle down. At one point I even ended up in a impromptu intervention sort of with my cousin, my aunt, mom, and 2 family friends. You should always be aware of your faults and your flaws and I am well aware of mines. 

The difference between my cousin's wedding and the other wedding of one of my closest friends who got married in May is how I felt. During the May wedding ceremony it was beautiful and I though wow maybe this is what I want but as soon as I left the church I said "where is the liquor" and the feeling passed. Now watching my cousin walk down the aisle in the church it really hit me (almost shed a tear) like "wow this is beautiful, maybe this is for me" and that feeling stayed with me from the time I left the church to the time my drunk ass left the reception. 

As I get closer to my 30th year on earth (2days from now) I realize before I become the man I need to be there are 3 things that I must do. First thing is to express myself when I am upset. Sometimes I let my anger

build up so much that I just explode like baaammmm. Second is to be more trusting because in my current state I do not trust most women shit more people period which is terrible really. I'd like to open up a bit in that regards because all it is doing deterring me from pursuing anything. You really can't ever progress in relationships if you don't trust anyone. The third thing is to stop second-guessing myself/overthinking. I have let many women slip through my fingers because of this. This has held me back from achieving more because I would psych myself out and never task a risk. I have improved in this area but need to step it up a notch.

The wedding made me realize that i'm the one that must change and grow as a person. In order to be the man I want to be and live the life I want to live I must grow and get out of my old way of thinking.