Long Distance Blues

10 Signs That Your Not Ready For A Relationship

Unable to be alone (Serial Dater) 

If you are one of those people who dread the thought of being alone then it's probably best you stay single for a bit. The thing that tends to happen with these kinds of people is that you'll notice a different face behind every "him" or "her" they're referring to, this is also know as serial dating. When you don't want to be alone you pretty much will go for whatever is the "flavor of the week". You should use whatever time you have alone as an opportunity to better yourself not as a time to helplessly think about why you aren't in a relationship. You should always be able to stand on your own, I mean when you came out the womb no one else was in there with you right (ignore if you're a twin). I've always said the worse type of mate to have is one that is afraid of being alone because this will lead to jealousy, insecurity, and severe stage 5 clinging. Work on becoming a better you so that when the person comes along your actually ready as oppose to just coming off of dating 5 guys on the past 5 weeks. Learning how to better yourself will help you deal with the feeling of being alone.

Your A Big time flirt 

There should never be any doubt to the question: Are they actually involved with someone? This I see a lot some of you flirt so much that those who accept your flirtatious advances forget that you're actually seeing somebody or working towards a relationship. You can not expect anyone to take you seriously if your constantly flirting on social networks with other people. In the end your just going to give off the vibe of someone who is not serious about a relationship. LADIES I do not mean to single you out but please please please stop it with the "craving some Thai food, so who's taking me out to eat" or "movies flow, anyone want to go" I say this because a lot of times you guys will post this really as a way to see who would take you out rather than actually wanting an outing. Fellas y'all are not low either no woman is going to think you are for real if every time she looks up your flirting with every and any woman you come in contact with. For the record "but I am a flirt" is not something you should ever have to say in any kind of discussion with the person you potentially want to date, if you do then it's clear your not ready to be exclusive.

Unable to give up party lifestyle 

No woman wants a Man that is constantly in the club scene even if he is a "promoter" and no man wants a woman that's at the club every weekend with her girls. Unless you are partying together all the time (which is rare) one party will always be unhappy. Whether you realize it or not the party life is often associated with looking for something whether its sex, a side relationship, or just getting a new number to see if you still got "it" . After a while the person your dating will feel like your looking for something, call it insecure but you know what it will really come off like you are seeking something else. In order to have a healthy exclusive relationship you should probably slow down on the partying. Like I stated in a previous post "no one wants someone who's everywhere doing everything and knows everybody". Ladies you can't possibly keep complaining about "where are the good men at" if your out clubbing every weekend because they surely are not there. I'm not saying to not party at all but if you want a relationship you'd be willing to slow it down.

Communicating with old flings 

 I would love for anyone to explain to me how your potential mate would love the fact that you still communicate with old ex's or flings...ready set go!!!........EXACTLY. This will always be a problem frankly because  the person you may want to date will think that there's something going on between you and these people from your past. Some people always fail to realize that there's a reason why these situations didn't work out, you owe it to yourself to have something new a refreshing. Any type of flirting or constant contact with a person you used to be involved with will stop your from growing as a person and becoming ready to get in another relationship. Still communicating with your past shows that you are not ready for a new present and future. The moment you are able to limit the contact you have with old flings you will realize that your ready for a refreshing relationship with someone new.

The Lost Art of "Courting" 

Ah, Yes good ol fashion courting. We grew up believing: guy likes girl, guy asks girl out, then guy takes girl to dinner. Now a days many people don't want to court, you can't expect a relationship to just fall in your lap. A common complaint from guys especially is "I'm feeling her but I'm  not trying to spend money" what sense does this make at some point she has to get an outing. How do you expect to work towards a relationship if you can't at the least do a 2 for 26 at Applebee's. Sometimes men are so worried about the couple hundred dollars they have that they swear women are out to go to the most expensive places which isn't true. You can put in the time to find a affordable outing if you really want her. Communication is always key let the person know you miss them ladies sometimes you like to wait for that good morning text well how about.....you send it your damn self!!!! You can't expect a man to court you and not add anything to the pursuit. I think the big reason men don't court as much is because of women, some have it built in their mind that if a man wants them he'll do this this and that. Both parties should be willing to court because it shows a mutual interest and if this isn't something your willing to do then enjoy your Friday and  Saturday night alone as I have when I was in this faze. It's either you want the person or you don't ladies and gents this applies to you both.

Unwillingness to compromise 

 There's high standards and there's unrealistic expectations. Sometimes the demands I've heard never match up with the person demanding them. Ladies and gents you can't expect him/her to make a certain amount, drive a certain car, Or have a certain living situation when you yourself have neither or these things in check. Often times I've seen wayyyyy too many of these types of demands from people who had no business expecting such. You should always at the least demand the exact things you have. No one is saying to lower your standard but does he have to drive a BMW and make $65k/yr, does she have to have the best looking body with no children? In order to work towards a relationship you must be able to compromise some things, not settle but compromise. The moment your able to realize that your compromising and not settling them your well on your way.

Unable to Accept your part in past failed relationships

 Now this is where things can get slightly personal for me. I did this a lottttt, always made it seem like I had no part in any break up or failed situation I encountered. I didn't play a part in every failed situation but I def have a hand in many of them. You must be able to accept the things you did wrong, maybe you didn't have to go through his/her phone, maybe you didn't have to snoop through his/her social networking pages, maybe you didn't have to constantly question the person because of insecurities. Every failed relationship should be used as a lesson, you should look at the things you did wrong and correct them. Playing the role of the victim does nothing but show that you did not learn from your past relationships at all which shows a lack of personal growth. Accept the mistakes you made and the part you may have played in a failed relationship and you will be able to move on.  It took me yrs to accept my part in my last failed relationship so naturally I was stuck playing the victim role, if you can't get past that then you are doomed.

You Don't trust anyone

At some point in life you must be able to trust somebody. A relationship with no trust has no foundation and walking around with that feeling is extremely unhealthy.  You must be willing to put that wall down and let somebody get close to you. If you go around no trusting anyone then your just going to have one failed relationship or attempted relationship after another. Not trusting anyone seems cool on paper but in actuality it can be detrimental to your progression. Being ready to let that guard down is a step in the right direction, doing otherwise will just lead to backtracking right into the single life you lead now.

Insecurities 

You most definitely must be secure with yourself or else you will drive yourself crazy. Insecurity will not to unwarranted suspicion which definitely can lead the problems in a potential or actual relationship. No one will ever be secure with you if you aren't secure with yourself point blank one doesn't go without the other. While I know it isn't easy always being secure, it's def worth giving a shot. Before you even think about a relationship it's probably best to hash out any insecurities you may have. There's nothing worse than being accused or feeling guilty about something you didn't do, especially when it's do to the other persons insecurities.

Trying to change yourself to fit what you think someone wants 

 Always be true to yourself you should never have feel like you have to change. A lot of us including myself get caught up in watching others and try to gather an idea of what we think someone else would like. I know this gets old if someone can't accept you the way you are then your probably better off without them. I'd find myself trying to change myself to fit what I thought a woman would want n of course it would never work out for me. You should always remember that you are amazing and spectacular just the way you are. If you try and change yourself forcefully you'll never feel comfortable in any relationship. Think about it how many change must you change yourself before you realize there's nothing wrong with you.