9 yr Itch

Sometimes you end up in certain situations that you usually never see coming. In 2005 I came across the myspace page of this slim Puerto Rican n Dominican girl who I instantly became attracted to AND she was attending the same college as me (City Tech). It was something about her that told me I had to have her. The First few messages she was giving me the cold shoulder a lot of one word answers which kind of threw me off. Eventually she warmed up to me and I met up with her only because I was late to my class so this definitely seemed like fate.

After a few weeks/months of conversing we had setup a time to chill alone. In typical fashion of course she flopped the last minute which had me PISSED. Eventually she came over a few weeks later, and we attempted to watch Poetic Justice but of course we barely made it past Q-Tip’s death (spoiler alert). It was weird because she did spend the night but it was like she didn’t want to be there. As is often the case she was still hung-up on an ex-lover which was why she felt weird spending the night. As time goes on of course my feelings grow buttttt by now she was intent on trying to get her ex back. Whether she knew it or not she disregarded my feelings (then again I never came out n expressed everything) and got pregnant by her ex.

Shockingly her and I were still cool despite her being pregnant and me having feelings for her, I just eased myself into the friend role. She went on to have the baby and again broke up with her ex and I became involved in my own relationship. To be quite honest for a while I thought she got pregnant as a way to trap him due to how hard I saw her trying to get him back. While pregnant she expressed her feelings for me but I didn’t want/think anything would happen because I had a girlfriend at the time. It was weird because my girlfriend for good reason was always suspicious of my friendship with her. She probably did it on purpose but she would definitely make sure to shout me out on social media any chance she got knowing I was in a relationship. Now in late 2008/early 2009 we were both single and began to have sex on a more consistent basis. The petty side of my told myself I would always make her regret not taking me more seriously and getting pregnant so I would give her the best possible sex I could. As time went on feelings did get stronger because we were friends but also lovers. I would be honest with her though, by letting her know that I did not wish to make her my girlfriend but rather go with the flow. 

From the years 2009-2012 we would always be off and on but she would do everything to show me she wanted to be exclusive. I’m talking buying me gifts, cooking for me, breakfast in bed the morning after some great sex like I was living like a King and she wasn’t even my girlfriend. She really knew how to hd my down and support me no matter what. Now during these years we would be off and on usually due to one of us becoming involved. It was weird because it was like I always would want her to myself as soon as she became involved with someone else. I knew how badly she wanted to be with me but the revenge part of me had to make her know how it felt to have strong feelings for someone and not get what you want. Call it childish but I actually felt good at the time because she would often express regret for overlooking before.

If there were any situation to best describe a "situationship" it would be ours because we would definitely argue and sometimes get jealous as if we were dating. Her behavior became different and she had conceded to the fact that she would probably never be my girlfriend and I did not do anything to dispute that notion. She became involved in a relationship in 2012 that became very serious as time went on. In early 2014 the last time we were intimate somehow two weeks later she became engaged which I had to laugh at because I thought there were problems hence her sleeping and spending the night with me.

I always felt like having her around hindered a lot of situations for me. I don’t know why but the feeling of regret she would feel and know how bad she wished to be with me would make me feel powerful as if to kind of say “I TOLD YOU SO.” It was weird because she’s made me feel more important than any other woman I’ve been involved with yet we weren’t exclusive. I feel like I let my pride get the best of me and maybe I should have given her the life she wanted with me. I looked at it like how could I give her the relationship she desired and she looked past me and got pregnant. I wish I had changed that mindset.  One thing I do know is I learned a lot from our situation. I never thought all of this would happened which maybe made it hard to leave that situation alone. As I grow I realize the best thing to do is to forgive someone and move past whatever it is that is bothering you and maybe I should not have had this whole "revenge" attitude. It was weird because I would block her sooooo many times or we would stop speaking then poof like nothing we'd be back at it. 

I spent the better half of 9yrs in a situation when we could have just been a couple for the majority of that time. Now of course this post is extremely personal but I felt it needed to be shared.bShe would say that my hesitation in regards to being a potential step-father was what led her to pursue the situation she is in now.  I’ll always be indebted to her because she taught me and showed me how to truly be loved (sounds corny but true) despite the fights, arguments, and cursing each other out I would not change a thing because I learned a lot about love and myself. I do know that perhaps it was never in the cards for us to actually be a couple but I have a good guide on how to move in future situations. Incase you were wondering she did get married last October......whether she is happily married wellllll :Jordan Shrug: I know she'll read this and either she will laugh, get upset, cry, or maybe all 3. The experience with her def made me more alert in regards to being in a serious relationship in the future.